My selfish self

I looked over the city from the 37th floor of a friend's apartment on Wednesday. I was thinking about how beautiful all of the lights looked coming off of the thousands of buildings in front of me. I grew up in a small town, so its amazes me the number of people that can fit in one place.

My friend walked up beside. He's been in China for two years now. I'm constantly learning things from him and should have seen it coming this time. John looked out the window and said, "when I worked in sales, and looked out a hotel window, I'd think 'how many people here are using my product today?' Now I think, 'How many of these people know Jesus?'"

The answer in Hong Kong, is that there are over 5 million people that do not know His love. With those numbers, how can I think of anything else? Its what I keep asking myself. I constantly think about how warm it is outside, why there's so much planned for me, and when will I stop having to sit in meetings. I guess I thought there was some magic that happened when you become a missionary.

I certainly wish that was true. Funny thing, the bible doesn't say "all humans are sinful except for the missionaries." Why not!?! I've started to learn that our imperfections help us to relate to an imperfect world and imperfect people. I thank God every day that He puts people like John, Pastor Sawyer, Josh, Andrea, Megan, Pastor Joel, President Yung, Ken... and the thousands of others that point me toward Him. My prayer each night is that the Lord would make me like these people. That I would point others toward Jesus Christ through everything I do and say.

One day, all of us that saw those arrows will live together in perfection and unity. I hope I will see millions of Chinese there; maybe even billions.

God's messages

John is a guy that I've gotten to know and respect over the last two years in bible study. He is positive, matter of fact, and generally looking strait to God in everything he says and does. I only wish he could sit down and teach me to be much more consistent in all three.

About 15 of us sat in bible study tonight. We always start off with prayer requests taking a while to explain the story behind them. When it was my turn, I asked that we pray about a very nervous sense I've had that God had incorrectly chosen me. I haven't been able to shake the thought that my knowledge and abilities won't be sufficient for the mission He's asking me to go on.

Of course, my overly supportive and slightly biased group of bible study members assured me that I will be wonderful. John turned to me in the middle of all of the comments and said, "Could this be Satan?" Wow. His heart is one that is always open to the Lord. Tonight that was clear. What a sadly misguided notion. God making the wrong choice? I don't think so. Now I think back and realize that no one is prepared to be a missionary. God just leads us through it step by step.

He sends us messages all the time. Sometimes we need to slow down and stop speaking over them. Sometimes, when we can't remember that, He sends someone to talk over us. Tonight was John's last night at bible study. The selfish side of me wishes that weren't so. The faithful side knows that he's going on to bless many more people in the next place the Lord has planned for him.

The Blessings of Going Home

I had the opportunity to speak at my hometown church today. What a great experience. I never realize the amount of support I really have until I go back there. All of us want to hear that people are proud of us. From these people, it feels great.

God has put so many people in my life as I've grown up. Some of them helped me to grow by being honest even when I didn't want to hear their honesty, some of them were a constant source of positivity, and so many more served as educators to me. To all of you that fall into one of these categories, thank you.

One of my future roommates reminded me this weekend that we have three weeks here in the states. Though there are a lot of nerves and apprehension with leaving behind my friends and family, I find myself looking forward to the work the Lord has for us. I really have no idea exactly what God has planned for the next year, but I can't wait to find out.

As we get ready to leave, I want to put out a special prayer request. Megan is going on a mission trip with the youth in her congregation, and I'm sure Andrea has a ton of things to do before we leave August 17th. Please keep each of us in your prayers as we get ready for our mission. Preparation can often be the biggest source of nerves, pray that we constantly have the Goal in mind; to serve Him.

Do we make the decision to become missionaries?

A banker sat in the pew at church one Sunday morning. She saw an insert on the four short term mission trips her church was planning in the next several months. Some in the US, some outside, one in China. The one to China just seemed to stand out. Why? Well why not?

She knew right away that she would never be one of those "long term" missionaries. She was a banker, she was 25 years old, and she needed to focus on building a savings for the large family she'd always dreamed about. This ten day trip to China was perfect. Doing what she felt was right without an irrational commitment.

This banker signed up. She found some supportive, loving friends and family to financially and prayerfully support her way on her little mission. Nine other people signed up too. Another nice part about her trip. Getting to know people in a church she had only joined about eight months before this. After all, networking is always a good thing. She was excited about the chance to reach out and touch some lives on behalf of the Lord she'd known since she was little too.

Just before she left there was a weird feeling in her heart. Does God talk to us? Well they always say you take away just as much as you give on these things. Maybe it was the anticipation of become closer to God. Maybe it was the concept of learning how to bring Jesus to children effectively. After all, if she was going to be that professional mom she'd dreamed about all her life, she needed the experience.

Why do we pray? Why do we open our hearts and talk to that Jesus we learned about in Sunday school? What happens when we talk to Him? What happens to us when we get done talking and wait to actually listen for a response? I suppose a god strong enough to create with his voice could possibly speak to us. Right? Or maybe the right question is this, do we want an answer?

I didn't. I liked my life. I have three younger sisters and a brother. I'm the oldest and I'm close to every one of them. I'm in love with my life, my friends, my family and my work. Why then, would God want to speak to me? When He has something to say, it doesn't matter what you or I think our future holds. He knows. He'll talk to you when its the right time.

Three days before I left on that trip, God yelled. When He tried to speak to me, that day in the pew, I covered my ears. That day before the trip, in front of the friends and family that had supported my every step in life, I said these words: I have no idea if I'll be back in two weeks. Now I could hear Him. That irrational commitment was no longer a choice. God put it in my heart and I couldn't ignore Him any more.

I came back May 2, 2009. I will leave August 17, 2009 for at least one year. Why does God call a banker to spread His word to people on the other side of this world? Well... none of us will ever have that answer.

May the Lord open my heart to understand His will for me in His mission. May He give me the strength to uncover my ears, and listen. May He open your ears, when its your turn to be the missionary to your friends, your neighbors, or halfway across the world.

The "getting ready" time is a blessing itself!

I have to start this blog by saying that Paul speaks for all of us in saying that its our open hearts to God and not our own speaking abilities that spread His love. I've never been confident in my speaking abilities, but have seen God work through me already. How humbling.

An update on my life as it starts in missions: I am currently responsible for raising $23,000 which will cover travel, living, visas and administrative costs over the course of one year. I also have a class on teaching English to finish in the near future. It all seemed so overwhelming at first. The Lord has once again put peace in my heart on a seemingly very difficult subject. I know that "in Him I can accomplish anything." And He's reinforced that sentiment time and again lately.

For anyone not already aware, I will be leaving August 17th to live in Hong Kong as a missionary for a minimum of one year. It will be my responsibility, with the help of two other girls, Andre and Megan, will be to open and teach in an English Center. We will teach paid English classes to students, people in the community, and business people throughout Hong Kong. My church, Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church, is also doing some really amazing things there. I hope to be of some help in setting up a mission exchange program and planting an English church. The Lord really does work in amazing ways.